Recently I sought help with a plan for lifestyle changes which I have known I needed to make for a long time. When the plan was presented to me and I was asked if it was doable, I wholeheartedly agreed with a large smile on my face. Within myself I said "You've got to be kidding!" I could not imagine myself carrying through with this for more than half a day and the first phase of the regime spanned one month! Nonetheless I figured I would find a way to begin it, and then gracefully opt out, saving face. After all, when it came to self care over the years, I was a master at putting other's needs ahead of my own, and making that the reason for neglecting myself and my health.
So I began the "plan", and quickly found many reasons to stop it! As I did so I entertained myself with belittling comments about my lack of self-discipline, then moved on to strong feelings of resistance, and then settled into a diatribe about the failure I have been in ALL areas of my life! Then a funny thing ~ well, actually two funny things ~ occurred! First of all as hard as I tried, I could not come up with only a list of failures! As I thought of the mistakes I have made in life, I also recalled some things I have done well, some people who have thanked me for making a difference, and some things I have absolutely LOVED doing, regardless of the results. As I began to think in this direction, I recalled some of the wise words of my dear friend Denyse, about thoughts being thoughts, and that I can choose the role of observer whenever I want to, to challenge self-defeating thoughts, and choose instead to reach for the thoughts which bring me some relief/encouragement/self-empowerment. I suppose that in recalling areas of my life where I did well, instead of continuing "negative inventories", I was doing just that.
The second thing which happened (this evening) was my observation of the deck at the back of the house, where a thin layer of snow was accumulating ~ the first snow of the season. (I guess that rabbit will have his camouflage after all!) I realized that I had been hoping and hoping the snow would stay away awhile longer (in this northern part of the province no less!). Seeing the snow in front of my patio door, I realized just how funny was my line of thinking. I could no more hold off the snow than I could control the flow of the seasons or anything else for that matter!! The rhythm of the seasons, as the rhythms of my life, follow a cycle, a pattern. I may think (ignorance is bliss!) I can slow things down or speed them up, or eliminate steps on my path, but who am I trying to kid? Mother Earth demonstrates time and time again the patterns of nature are our patterns too. So who am I to dig in my heels and resist change, when change IS upon me? Now is the time to go with the flow!
I believe I had some thought of this last week when I wrote the following poem, which I will use to complete this entry:
God gives goodness, goals and learning
All which is accessible from inside
With proper attention to my Higher Self
In Peace and fulfillment do I reside.
The circle speaks of wholeness, completeness
All included with talents to bring
Endless motion yet at the same time stillness
Peace radiating from deep within.
There are many many opportunities
Like waves lapping upon the shore
Always ready to be entered into
To open yet another door.
Which will I accept and run with?
Which will I lovingly absorb?
Suppose I choose to live life to the fullest
Will I reap just rewards?
Better to accept the challenge
Of meeting my thoughts which crowd me at the door
Best to view the broader picture
To realize the meaning of "more".
Optimal to live knowing all projections
Directions completely influence that
The vision presenting itself to be trusted
Huge source of power calls us back.
Creations occurs on many levels
This continual process we know
The reminder tho' is often needed
To participate fully in the flow.
May you, too, enjoy the fruits of embracing change!
Blessings on your path.